Diary of Post Contraceptive Abortion Stress

http://www.afterabortion.com/
http://www.bethesdahealing.org/

Relationship disharmony; panic attacks; eating disorder; sobbing over abortion stories; nervousness; fear of impending death; simmering anger; feelings of being a "bad" mother; sleep problems; feelings of elation during pregnancy but emotional disconnect after delivery.

These were symptoms I just happened to have within the first five years after a "funny period" I had when using the IUD in 1974. I didn't remember this occurrence until 2006 after I read an article by Gerard van den Aardweg entitled "Emotional and Personality Damage in Contraceptive Women." By that time, I only had a vague chronic anxiety that wasn't bad enough to use anti-depressants, except during a family crisis for a short time, but it was ever present to the extent that I wondered why. I thought it was because I didn't feel adequate in my professional work and just needed a change. When I read the article by Dr. Aardweg, I saw myself on the pages, and I wondered why I would be still having symptoms and the feeling of being "objectified," even thirty-two years after discontinuing contraception. I found it was due to an unacknowledged, unhealed abortion by IUD and possibly two others with no remembered symptoms. I participated in a Rachel's Vineyard retreat in March of 2009.

My husband participated in one at the end of July of 2009. Symptoms in him were work difficulties, first workaholism, then lethargy, successive business failure, emotional disconnect from the children and me, inability to generate ideas for business, general lack of zest for life as it is, constant complaints about work without willingness to change occupation. Common side effects in men are beginning to be addressed, too.

The entirety of our forty years of marriage was not spent in complete misery. Nonetheless, these symptoms were a part of our lives that actually did accompany us in marriage, and I can think of no reason other than early use of abortifacient contraception. Founder of Project Rachel Vicky Thorn explains biological and anthropological realities that point to possible reasons why contraception is so harmful, not merely that it is harmful. For example, she cites evidence that the cells of each and every pregnancy remain within the mother's body for her entire life. She cites this as a reason it is possible, even likely, that a mother can "know" the sex of her pre-born child. If a mother can know the sex of her lost child, she must also retain an awareness that the child was "lost," but without the benefit of completing the grieving process.

I am grateful to God for the Rachel's Vineyard retreat through which we have both experienced His great forgiveness and mercy. I don't know what the future holds, but I long to warn others who use abortifacient contraception in new forms other than the IUD and the Pill. I read recently in a LifeSiteNews article that young women are using abortifacient emergency contraception (Plan B, a high dose hormonal contraception intended to prevent implantation in the uterine wall within hours after intercourse ) with greater frequency, I fear this is as a means of being more appealing to a partner by allowing more natural, condomless sex. This is an outrage, as it only results in greater enslavement of young women to the sexual drive of uncommitted men at great potential harm to themselves and the children they conceive.

Having said this does not mean, though, that women shouldn't share in the responsibility for the decision to engage in sex outside of marriage (or inside), too. I realize it's not just about guys, but gals' drives, too, but as my mother used to say, "A boy will respect you as much as you ask him to respect you." I did find that to be true in my day. I know, I know. . . there are exceptions, but that's precisely why it matters where and how a gal meets a guy.

In 1974, I read an article about how the IUD worked shortly before my "funny period." I intended to keep thinking about it, thinking it only could prevent implantation, for certain not realizing that the IUD works to prevent implantation of a tiny baby every single time a pregnancy occurs, barring a "failure" in the method. The "funny period" woke me up, forced me to make an immediate decision, but not without its own consequence.

I hesitated, but my anger towards my husband began to simmer for no reason I could pinpoint. Only now I am coming to realize that it was because he was so uninvolved in my original decision to use first the Pill and later, the IUD. He didn't even know to have input, didn't know to investigate, didn't care enough about me as a person to be involved. It's almost as if he was just there for the fun but not the responsibility, as if it were a premarital sexual relationship rather than a marital relationship. He left fertility questions up to me, and that made me very angry, long before 2005 when I finally knew more than intuitively that I, too, had had an abortion. We two had had an abortion. I felt I had been used as an object, even if unintentionally, even though I was married. Logically and intuitively, I knew that he should have been more involved in my fertility, even though neither of us knew consciously that he should, as such an attitude wasn't a part of the culture of the Sixties. Sadly, complementarity still isn't a part of the culture, though it is the answer to so much in stable, harmonious marriage and family life.

What our experience demonstrates is the vital importance of mutual fertility awareness on the part of both husband and wife, mutual responsibility for fertility based on intellect and free will. There is no substitute for complementary co-operation between husband and wife. No substitute.